www.umtr2me.org

One good thing that weird obsessive life ruiners brought to my attention is that one of the plates that I made fun of is for an organization that works with people who battle depression and mental illness.

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am constantly spouting off about how mental illness needs to be a focus in our society, so this truly is a cause that I believe in.

If you know anyone who is struggling, or if you are struggling yourself, this website is a great resource.  Please check it out if you have a chance.  While I certainly don’t think the people with the VHS DVD or FLOPPER plates have deeper messages, every once in awhile a plate has something interesting to say, so support Jimm and his cause, and support other causes like it.  Help bring mental illness to the forefront of society's conversation.

Thanks Jimm, I officially retract my declaration that your car makes you look stupid.

www.umtr2me.org

This idiot (meaning me) used to have a comment option

I haven’t been able to post for awhile because I have been working 70 hour work weeks, but I recently received a barrage of hateful comments, including one that stated that a post was funny because I was the one getting raped in the back of a van.

That same person decided to take the time to google people and send them the posts, knowing full well it would upset them.  That is his right.  I am not angry about it, he has the right to an opinion about my opinions. 

My opinion is that I hate personalized license plates and that I will laugh at them.  My opinion is that the 100 people or so who read my blog will understand that it is all in good fun.

I try, sometimes unsuccessfully to not make things personal, but of course, if it was your car, I completely understand hurt feelings and being upset  by my posts.  For that, I am sorry.

Specifically to Jimm, I apologize if I hurt your feelings or your organization.  I certainly did not mean to, nor did I know that it WAS an organization.  If you like I will happily take down the post.  This is true to ANY people who find their car on my page and have their feelings hurt. 

So, to people like Anatoli, if you want to spend all of your time drawing people’s attention to something that you know will hurt their feelings to teach me a lesson, go ahead.  I personally think that it’s a waste of your time and why in the world would you try to ruin someone else’s day for something that I do to entertain myself and my friends. 

We all have stupid things about us, Anatoli is a troll.  That’s pretty stupid.  I point out license plates and occasionally upset people, that’s pretty stupid as well.  The blog is meant to be playful, “stupid” is my opinion.  You don’t have to appreciate my opinion, as I obviously don’t appreciate the owners’ of these cars opinion.  That’s the beauty of opinions.

This is the internet, and luckily that means, I can avoid trolls by simply disabling comments.

Knock it off, your comments make you look stupid.

PWRFL

The stupid is powerful with this one.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

[hand]MECOFE

NO!

You are a douche.

Seriously.  A DOUCHE!

You found a way to put a stupid handprint on your stupid license plate.  You obviously think this is clever.  It is not clever.

1) Coffee is spelled wrong

2) no one, and I mean NO ONE driving along the road is going to heed your request and if they did, I imagine you would be very upset.

Don’t ask for things you don’t want.

I hope someone throws their coffee all over your car.  Just following directions, brah.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

What kind of car did you say that was?

Narcissism is not only for the Californians, it spreads all across this great country of ours, I think California just has more of it.  California, and Southern California especially, attracts douchebags and has a culture of narcissism, I am sorry, it’s just a fact.  How many failed actor/musicians working jobs they deem “beneath them” because they deserve to be a star and are waiting for their big break are in Mississippi?  Yeah.  None.

That’s just the way it is Cali.  The same way that Portland attracts weirdoes, and Alaska attracts fishermen, and Florida attracts criminals.  Every place has its thing.  California attracts people who think they are better than wherever they came from.

Not EVERY Californian is a narcissistic a-hole.  Of course not.  But I think we can determine by sheer vanity plate abundance alone that it is a higher percentage than any other location.

All that said, I’ve gotten some pretty sweet plates sent to me from all my friends in Washington, and a few great ones from friends in Texas and Indiana as well.  While the abundance is not there, what they make up for in quantity is quality.  Or…maybe not.  I don’t know.  Either way, keep them coming guys!

This post is dedicated to all those assholes out there who want us to know exactly what kind of car they are driving, and/or to whom it belongs.

MOZRIDE

He’s the illest.

FAMUSXD

This XD is famous.  Ask anyone.

MY JUKE

This Juke is his.

XREDRVR

This is a red Rover.  Red Rover, Red Rover send stupid right over.

R[heart]OLEAF

This Leaf is theirs.  It’s their Love O’ LEAF.  Dumb.

CKS A7

Hey, CK, is that your A7?

SFOURME

It’s a S4.  It’s for him.

This is just a few… hey everyone, guess what, I can read.  And anyone who can read your plate, can also read what kind of car it is attached to.  Not only that, but we assume it belongs to you as well.

Idiots.

Knock it off, your cars make you look stupid.

VHS DVD

Hey guys!  You need any DVDs?  What about VHS tapes?  Come into my sweet van and take your pick!

Let’s buy some out of date media from the cool guy in this van with the blacked out windows, one of which has been replaced with duct tape because it has clearly been kicked out from a previous rape gone bad.

Seems legit.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid…

…and sketchy as hell.

U is Stupid

Misspellings on license plates are a given, I mean, there's no way you can fit a 3-5 word phrase in 7 letters without a misspelling or 5.  That said, if you are choosing to put a single word on your car, SPELL THE DAMN THING CORRECTLY!

I mean, seriously.

How stupid does this TUMATO look?

Or how about this guy from TEXUS (sent to me by our Coachella roommates, thanks Cassy and Khaled!)? I realize it is difficult to read, but it definitely says TEXUS

It's worse, in my opinion to misspell a word, than to abbreviate one.  Ok, so you think you are clever little red Honda, well, you aren't.  Someone else, equally not as clever beat you to the punch and so instead of admitting defeat and coming up with something else, you decided to alternate the spelling.  Just as tomatoes are often argued over as to whether or not they are fruits or vegetables, you are being argued about in cars around this fine city as well.  But what we are debating is whether or not you are stupid because you purposefully misspelled tomato to be cute, or if you are just dumb enough to think that's how it's spelled.

Either way, your car makes you look stupid.

And as for Mr. Texus, well, he's equally stupid, but he's stupid in the way that Seahawks license plates are stupid, meaning, I hate them, but I admire the pride.

No one is proud to be a tomato.  Cause that's not a thing.

Knock it off guys, your cars make you look stupid.



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OMYSOUL

IT'S NOT EVEN A SOUL!

It is a Kia, but it's not a Soul.

Maybe it's a saying that you say all the time, but seriously?  You cannot put this on a make of car that has a model called the Soul.

You just can't.

It's almost as bad as those confusing hamster commercials.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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AMERPWR

I am sure this means something that I don't understand.

I am sure there's some meaning behind it that is distinctly unracist.

But, this car lives or works near my condo downtown and I've seen it over a dozen times, and each time I get a weird feeling in my stomach.

Maybe because I complete the first word to be America.  America Power.

Now, I have nothing against national pride, I am pretty proud to be an American myself, and feel fortunate and blessed that we live in a country where idiots are allowed to express their stupidity all over their cars, and that I am able to judge them from atop my peak on Mount Pious.

All that said, there is something dark feeling about the phrase America Power!

It makes me think of skinheads and Eddie Furlong in American History X.

Of course I realize it is probably referring to the fact that Corvette is an American car, hence he is driving around in "America Power", but that was the third thing I thought of when I saw this plate.

First, I thought it was the dark, weirdly racist feeling phrase "America Power!"

Next, I figured that AMER had to be something I didn't know about, and aside from discovering it is a name in some language, I found nothing that revealed anything interesting, so I went back to the theory that this Corvette was clearly driven by neo-Nazi.

Finally, I associated the car with the plate and arrived at the American car theory.

This took a long time.  This took me seeing the car half a dozen times at least before deciding that the driver probably is not dumb enough to advertise xenophobia, but just dumb enough to not realize his plate makes people think he has it.

Either that, or his name is Amer.  Whatever.

Knock it off Amer, your car makes you look stupid.


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DIGNGOLD

So you pick your nose.  That's awesome. 

My boyfriend and I spotted this treasure on our way back from Las Vegas in May.  We couldn't get a good photo for the longest time because the desert sun glare was against us, but we ran back into him 100 miles later and snapped this photo.

There are only three options for this plate:

1) He is a gold digger, literally.

2) He is a gold digger, Kanye West style.

3) He is a gold digger (boogers = gold).

Judging based on his truck #2 is out of the question, and, if he were an actual gold digger, he is not very good at it.  That leaves number 3.

This guy picks his nose.  A lot.

It's the first thing I thought of anyway.

I totally pick my nose, sometimes you have to, but I don't advertise it (even though I just did).  In my imagination anyone who reads the plate will then immediately try to peer into his cab to see if he was picking his nose.

We sure did.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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CNJ4EVR

I hate C.

I hate J.

I hope they've broken up.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

Seriously.  No one.

At the very least no one on the road.  MAYBE your children do, god forbid, but even they are probably embarrassed by this.

This is what you carve into a tree in the 1920s, not what you drive around town with on a daily basis.

I'm so glad somebody loves you, I'm glad you are so confident in your relationship that you have to make sure everyone knows about it.  It's not sweet.  I'm sorry, it's not.  Sweet is a handwritten note on the windshield saying the same thing.  What this is, is narcissistic and controlling.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.




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B S

How is this allowed?!

Some very "clever" man got away with this because his name is Buford Smithson or something.

I can only assume that his name is Buford since he's driving around in Jag. 

A bullshit Jag, but a Jag all the same.

WAY RUIN A BEAUTIFUL CAR BUFORD!

This is almost as bad as the lady who drives around my hometown in a Jaguar with GIANT vinyl stickers that say JAGUAR across the windshield and a stuffed Jaguar in the back window, completely defeating the purpose of driving a Jaguar.

Jaguars are classy.

These things are not classy.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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ALLGOOD

Nope.  All bad.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.




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UMTR2ME

If this was in any way true, you would not have been actively cutting me off for the second time.

You also would not have that license plate.

I also would not kind of hate you a little.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.



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[heart]NMIDLF

This one took some work.

This was one of the ones found on Kourtney and my journey back from Coachella in April.  We were two tired girls who saw the heart and thought, (what one always must think when they see the heart), "this means something." Without having yet deciphered the code, Kourtney snapped a photo.

We spent several minutes, eyebrows furrowed.

"What's a dlf?  Loving my dlf?"
"NM like New Mexico?"
"Loving middle f?"

Finally Kourtney shouted, "Lovin' Mid Life!"

As I pulled ahead of the car to confirm the age of the driver, I couldn't help but think, what kind of a midlife crisis haver buys an Infiniti sedan?  Aren't midlife crises reserved for convertible sports cars?  And what kind of a person wants to advertise their age on their car?!  I'm 31 and I nearly burst into tears every time someone asks me how old I am, this license plate is going to make people ask you how old you are.

Then, judging based solely on the appearance of the driver, they will think to themselves, "62 is not midlife.  You'll be dead long before 114."

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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People Named Kat Must Be Stopped

Not photo'd below is the purple Saturn with the SAT4CAT plate, that I have seen 3 times now, yet could not safely snap a photo.

Spotted in downtown San Diego, I THINK it says "Lucky Cat 5"

KIT CAT - Sent by Bill B.

KATRAT - Sent by Eric T.

MISKITY - Sent by Teasha G.

I've had enough you, Kat.  Enough.

Knock it off, your cars make you look stupid.



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PS IMDON

Is he Don?  Or is he done?

I don't know why, perhaps it is because I am so used to seeing all the douchey misspellings, but I first interpreted this one as him being done.  As in, maybe this was his retirement vehicle.

On second thought, I don't think so.  I think his name is Don.

This falls  under the "WHO CARES?!" category.  Who cares?  All I know is that Don over here took beautiful classic Porsche and made it stupid.

PS - Sorry Don, I'm done.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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INDACLB

What in the hell is this Mini Cooper doing?

Going to Da Club?

Unless 50 Cent is driving this car (and I am 100% sure he does NOT drive a Mini Cooper) this is just unacceptable.

In fact, it would be unacceptable even if Fiddy was driving this car.  In Da Club came out 12 years ago.

No.

No, no, no, no, NO!

Just stop.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid!

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#TheDoose

In honor Memorial Day I would like to celebrate by sharing a stupid car done right.

Yes, it’s “stupid”, but it is also clever, funny, fun, and AWESOME.

Please meet The Doose.

The most American car I have seen.

The Doose is, for lack of a better term, a "community car".  A couple of friends of mine went together and purchased this road warrior and started making alterations.  The Doose is spectacular.  It is a wood panel station wagon with the top cut off.  Yes, just cut right off.  With a Sawzall. 

Sawzalls literally saw all.   

The Doose is good for any occassion, weather not a factor

If you are on Instagram, you can look up the hashtag #thedoose and you will be able to find several videos of The Doose in action. 

The Doose is brilliant.  

The Doose is an example of a vanity plate done well.  It’s a weird, bizarre car, it REQUIRES a weird plate.  If you haven’t noticed yet, the plate says JUMPIN, which is supposed to mean Jump In (as opposed to Jumpin’), since the logistics of The Doose would allow such an activity to take place.  You could absolutely chase after this car and leap in.  

I know them.  If you are cool in any way (which, let's face it, if you're reading this blog, you must be), they would be ok with it.

So you happen to be in the Indianapolis area and see this one car parade rolling down the road, give them a smile.  Tell them you saw them here and they will probably give you a hug.  Tell them Cheyenna sent you.

The magnitude and majestic beauty of this land yacht gone right deserves all the accolades in the world.  Good on you boys!

Congratulation, your car does NOT make you look stupid.

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PINKSTA

I am a touch OCD, and very visual.  I can design an award winning PowerPoint presentation, decorate a room like nobody's business, and judge people's cars.

I cannot, ever, drive a car that clashes with my license plate.

I know that seems strange, but I just could never do it.

Utah for example has a license plate that is blue and orange, but the worst offender is Idaho.

Idaho is a dark bloody red sky with blue mountains.  It's the worst.  Luckily, most vehicles are a color where the plate doesn't matter.  White, black, blue, green, but this... this is horrific.

Not only, is this car painted aggressively pink, but the clashing vanity plate is attacking my corneas.

If your car is so important to you that not only would you have a custom plate made, but you would have it custom painted, you should consider the license plate as part of the car.

Perhaps go for a more subtle color.

Perhaps not be stupid.

This is clearly asking a lot.

Let's forget about the color of the license plate for a moment.  Even if I find that the most offensive, I know I am in the minority.  Let's just focus on the overall stupidness of this car.

1) it is the color of Pepto Bismol, which is fitting because it is making me sick.
2) it has naked ladies as the license plate frame
3) PINKSTA

PINKSTA?  What does that mean?  Does that mean Pink Gangta?  Pinksta is not defined by Urban Dictionary.  When I google Pinksta just a bunch of nonsense comes up.

Is this just the name of the car? Am I to assume this is someone's nickname that they then transformed their car into?  Or is it the other way around?  Did they make this douchemobile and then acquire the nickname?

When I was in college I knew a basketball player who everyone called The Wedge.  I found out later it was actually spelled WEJ, because it was based on the license plate of his orange lowrider truck.  Not because he had a vanity plate, that just happened to be the 3 letters assigned to him and someone started calling him and his truck The WEJ.

This is clearly not that since no random alphanumeric system would be able to happen to throw PINKSTA together no matter how many times you pressed retry.

Whichever way you slice it, this is a stupid car.

Putting this much effort, time, and money into customizing an Idahoan Celica is overall just a bad idea.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

SBWINNR

Last month I posted about RAIDRR, a stupid car driven by an idiot member of the Raider Nation.  As a die hard Seahawks fan, I was challenged to find a Seahawks license plate stupid as well.

I'm not gonna lie, I questioned whether or not it could be done.  I wondered if my love for my own team would trump my hatred of stupid license plates.

The answer?

No.  It does not.

This license plate is stupid.  And I hate it.  No matter how much I relate to the team pride, I do not relate to this.

Part of the fun of this blog is that people are sharing it (please, keep sharing it) so friends and family of mine are getting photos to pass along to me.  Thank you.  Keep it up.  Another option is to post photos to my facebook page, Your Car Makes You Look Stupid.  I have plenty I've gotten from friends I'm just waiting to write about.  This is one of those photos.

A former co-worker of my brother sent this photo from Redmond, WA.

As you can see, there is a Seahawk logo incorporated into the plate.  That, I do not have a problem with, if you have a team, go ahead and support your team, just don't try to be cute with the plate number.

Yes.  My beloved Seahawks dominated the Superbowl.  Yes, they are a team that everyone doubted and gets shit on all the time.  Yes, we 12s are very, VERY proud of our team.  That said, you look like an idiot.

Accompanying this photo sent to my brother was this:

" Look at this douche.  I seriously doubt that anyone driving a Honda Accord has anything to do with the Seahawks winning the Super Bowl this year!"

Wise words, sir, wise words.

So, to wrap it up, love your team, just don't be stupid.  Thank you.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

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I post new blog posts, near misses and ask for advice on what plates mean.

Do you really want to miss such upcoming gems as...

HMMWWJD
DIGNGOLD

... which were both seen over the weekend!?

YOLOXXX

What with everything being on fire and the worst week of work ever, I failed you dear readers.  I missed an entire week.  To make up for it, I am busting out my big guns.

I've been holding onto this one for some time.

Why yes.  That DOES say YOLOXXX on a Lexus.

You only live once, so you should probably do some porn.

Idiots.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

And whorey.

LOW DNA

I stopped this morning to get gas at the 76 station.  The line is always super long, no matter what time I try to go, probably because gas there is $3.81 per gallon when gas right around the corner is $4.25.

By the way, gas is expensive in California.  It's so expensive that when you visit the EIA website that tracks fuel prices, California is the exception.

Seriously.  It's separated out.  In the category for West Coast it goes like this:

West Coast

      West Coast less California

      California

Yup, California skews the average so much that it has to be factored out.  Southern California is even worse.

It's super awesome driving in California.

Especially when I go to the gas station and I get to see this:

LOW DNA?

Doesn't that just literally mean stupid?

Oh.... no.....

Seriously...

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

Your car CONFIRMS you are stupid.

CARMA

My brother sent me this photo, the following text conversation occurred.  It pretty much captures everything I would ever need to say about this.

        Note: I am C, Warren is W.

W: Driver is a long grey haired want to be hippie male socks and sandals Birkenstocks! And his yuppie wife

C: Sweet lord.  This is good.

W: I turned around!  And drove back 3 blocks to get the pic

C: I appreciate it

W: And thankfully I saw the stupid driver get out of his stupid BMW

C: Yes!

W: Are you fucking kidding me?!
W: Carma spelled wrong on a BMW?

C: Yes, but he's trying to make a pun
C: CARma
C: Stupid
C: Not clever

W: I know!
W: Do you think he tried karma first? And then when it was taken he thought he would try and be cool and a dick and use carma and say it was a pun?

C: No, I think he is a douche who just picked CARMA

W: Hahaha
W: He looked like the type who would do that
W: It is hard for me to believe he could be such an a hole

C: It's hard to believe any of them could.

[end of conversation]

I don't think I need to say anything else.

If you don't want to be a part of these types of conversations discussing whether you are stupid or an a-hole, it is 100% avoidable.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

CRATEUP

This is one of the many plates Kourtney and I saw on our way to Coachella a couple weeks ago.  It is a little tough to read the plate, but it says "CRATEUP" and it appears to have a Great Dane sticker on the back.

Yeah.  Ok. Let me just stop my car here and put my huge dog in a crate.

I am not against crating your dog, it's a great training technique and many dogs find comfort in having a space that is "their own".  But... why is it necessary to tell me to do it with your car?  Number 1, I don't even have a dog.  Number 2, what good is me seeing it on your license plate going to do even if I did have one.  Does the driver think that I am going to go home and google crating and decide it's the life for me based on a chance traffic encounter.

Note to Readers: Often times I DO google the plates I see before I post, or I check urbandictionary.com in case there are some meanings I am unhip to.  But I think I am in the minority, I mean, how many other people have blogs based solely on encounters with weird vanity plates?  I mean, only like 40-60% of people, right?

I did not google this particular plate.  There is no hidden meaning, you can tell by the giant canine on the left.  It's literally telling me to crate my dog.

TO WHAT END?!

If this was a business vehicle (meaning with a name, phone number, etc stuck to it somewhere) I would have no problem, but it wasn't.  It was an everyday car.  Maybe the driver is a crate salesman, but telling me to crate my dog without providing me with your specific information is just bad business sense.

It makes no sense, if you really think about it.

Please let your dogs out.

Knock if off, your car makes you look stupid.

D-ABLA

DIABLA must have already been taken.

This Devil Woman is super clever, as you can see.

And really?  You want everyone to see your license plate and know that you identify yourself as a Devil Woman?  That's like putting "hey, guys I'm a bitch" on your license plate frame.  It's one thing to BE a Devil Woman.  I can think of one woman in particular who I call (and who IS) synonyms of a diabla.  Do I think that she identifies herself as such?  No.  It would make her a WORSE PERSON if she did.

I have a friend who thinks she is a bitch.  She is a bitch.  I love her anyway because her bitchiness does not come from a bad place.  She is also self conscious about being a bitch, she would NOT plaster it all over her car.  That is because she is also a normal, caring, non-Devil Woman.

Don't get cute with words that mean you're awful.  That just means you are awful.  Or, at the very least, it makes us all believe you are awful.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

DH WIFE

My brother sent me this photo at 5:26 AM this morning (not entirely his fault, he is in Eastern Standard Time) with the accompanying text.

     "Driver: black woman, my guess is Daryl Hughley's Wife"

I racked my sleep addled brain for a few minutes trying to figure out who Daryl Hughley was and why I didn't know, until I just decided to go back to sleep and "deal with this later".

I woke up at a perfectly respectable time a couple hours later and looked again.

     Me: "Oh! Do you mean DL Hughley?"
     Warren: "Yes I do"
     Warren: "First name Daryl :)"

I giggled to myself, and thought he was an idiot.  But soon after I became obsessed and had to google what DL Hughley's real name was.  Can you guess?

That's right.  It's Darryl.

You could tell me that Warren knew this and that I was the idiot for laughing at him, but he most certainly did NOT know that.  I guarantee it, it's just a bizarre fun coincidence, I am sure that Warren could not pick DL Hughley out of a lineup of black comedians.

That is not racist by the way, he also could probably not pick Mike Birbiglia out of a lineup of white comedians either.  Which is also not racist.

Sidenote: Let's all stop saying that everything is racist.  Cause it's not.

ANYWAY, now that I had ruled out the possibilities of Mr. Hughley's wife driving this car, I started thinking about all of the possibilities that DH WIFE could be.

Of course, I SUPPOSE it could be her name.  BO-RING!

In olden days DH meant "dear husband".  It could also mean "departed husband".  It's most likely dear husband.  Meaning she apparently is the wife of a dear man.  One who doesn't mind that his wife has grammar problems.

What I think of, and the far more entertaining option is that is stands for "desperate house".  As in she is a Desperate House Wife".  Grammatically it's better, at the very least.

No matter what it stands for, no one knows what it means except for Mrs. Hughley.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

ILUVTA2

As you can see this is a Washington plate, so it does not have the option of utilizing the dreaded California [heart] symbol.

Quick tangent.  How do you imagine the authorities call in the plate number when there are these ridiculous symbols?

                Police Officer:  “ I got plate number Charlie Echo Heart Bravo Echo”

                Dispatch: “Is that Heart H, or Heart for Heart.”

                Police Office: “Heart for Heart”

What is H?  What about the stars and the handprints, and whatever else there is I haven’t seen yet!?

I’m sure the CHP looooooves this.

ANYWAY, that’s not a problem in Washington, because (at least for now) they are reasonable people.

Back to the issue at hand.

This lady loves tattoos.

I think.

Good for her?  I understand that some people really love things.  Tattoos are one of those things, is she a tattoo artist?  If so, I am almost ok with this one.  Almost.  But not really. 

Because maybe she doesn’t love tattoos.  Maybe she loves T&A…too.  I mean, who doesn’t love a little T&A?

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

RAIIDRR

The NFL schedule came out this week; my beloved Seahawks play this idiot’s team on November 2^nd.  I look forward to the Legion of Boom driving right over them.

Not literally.  After all, I am not a Raiders fan.

Or, as it is creatively (?) spelled here.  The Raiidrrs.

So many things to discuss.  Number 1, The “Raider Nation” is notoriously filled with the stupidest of all football fans, so to find a misspelled RAIIDRR is not shocking.

Play devil’s advocate all you want, I don’t really care to hear your nonsense about how I am making a generalization and “not ALL Raiders Fans are stupid and aggressive and violent”.  Ok, fine, but several years ago two people were shot at a game.  

Shot.  With a gun. 

There are stories about stabbings all the time, and last year a Cowboys fan was beaten until he was unconscious at a Raiders game. 

Let that sink in will you.  They beat a man almost to death and LEFT HIM ON THE SIDEWALK!

Violent and stupid.

Not to mention that Al Davis, the leader of the Nation was batshit crazy.

Yes.  All fan bases have a bit of stupidity in them, only a few have a reputation for trying to kill you.  On a Bleacher Report list of the top 10 meanest fans, the Seahawks 12^th Man came in 10^th because they are “loud” and make CenturyLink “hard to play in”.  The Raiders were #2 for shooting and stabbing and beating people.

Number 1 was the Philadelphia Eagles because once, in 1968 they booed Santa Claus (who as all reports indicate was drunk and a terrible Santa).  I think, perhaps, Bleacher Report needs to reexamine their ‘worst fan’ criteria.  Perhaps.

For all of the reasons stated above, you should not advertise your allegiance to the Raider Nation.  Wear a jersey, go to a game, even put that hideous sticker (you can hardly see it in the photo but it is there) on your window, but do not commit your Corolla to a life of misspelled mockery. 

These are other plate options that I am 100% sure were tried before our fan got his wish (at the very least these all, plus others surely exist):

                RAIDERS

                RAIDER

                RAIDERR

                RAIDDRR

                RAIDDRS

                RAYDERS

                RADRRRS

               

I have to stop now because I am getting dumber and angrier every second that I participate in this plate lottery.

Would I feel the same way if this person was a SEAHAWK fan?  Maybe not as strongly, but I am fairly certain I would.  I guess it’s up to you Washington to find me a Seahawk plate and see if I can summon vitriol for it.  I assume I will.  As long as it’s stupid.

But for now…

Dear Raiders Fan,

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

HI [handprint] MAW

First things first, I must apologize dear readers.  From the beginning I had promised that I would be posting 3 times a week (MWF) and I have failed you this week.  The last two weekends have been exhausting, first Disneyland and then Coachella and my weak frail body and brain have just now become functioning again.

I promise I will make it up to you.

All that aside, with my trusty co-pilot Kourtney in tow, we managed to get some doozies on our journey.  

Hopefully they will make up for it.

So without further ado, I would like to introduce….

….all the way from California…

…the one, the stupid…

THE HANDPRINT SYMBOL

After shocking Kourtney with my non-exaggeration of the overabundance of these plates and after a half dozen or so photos being taken over the course of 20 minutes, I suddenly shrieked, “THERE’S A HANDPRINT BEHIND ME!!  THERE’S A HANDPRINT BEHIND ME!!” To which Kourtney promptly responded by unbuckling her seatbelt and flipping backwards to take a photo.

Kourtney clearly was made for this task.

The woman in the Ford SUV was not thrilled to be having her picture taken.  She was giving us the “what the hell?” arm movements, to which I responded with my traditional “Me what the hell!?  YOU what the hell?!” and gave her the “move back” motion, since (as you can see from the above photo), she was WAAAAAAY to close to me to be driving on the freeway.  Even in traffic.

It didn't work,  but we did capture it.

Now to the important bit.  Who is MAW?

A maw is a slang term for mother.  So, essentially ‘Hi Mom’? 

THAT IS SO DUMB!

First of all, it appears as though the mother is the one driving the car. It would be even more ridiculous to think that she was using her license plate to give a shout out to her own mother.

Either way, it is just confusing, but HEY, you got a clever handprint on your license plate so we will all look at you.  Good on you, Maw.

That’s enough.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

RMAHGRD

I know you can’t really see this, but this is a real thing.

This SUV says RMAHGRD, which can only be based on yet another internet meme (cue faceplam) the ERMAHGERD Girl.

Unless the driver of this vehicle IS the Ermahgerd Girl, there is no excuse for this.

Knock it off, your car makes you look so, so stupid.

*DVTCHK

On my Disneyland Drive, I saw so many cars I couldn’t quite get photos of.

One of those was the same model as the XRUNNER we saw earlier with LV2KYAK on it.
What the hell is up with these sports car drivers and their express need to tell us all about how they really do love sports?

I also saw one mentioned in a previous post, that I couldn’t get, a sperm colored Cadillac Escalade with [heart]BNSLLY (of “Love Bein’ Silly) on it. Gag.

And this…

I know it is a bad photo, sorry, but it is your first introduction to the California STAR symbol.  At the bottom of this post I will include a picture of what the star looks like on another plate, one that is only minorly stupid, not aggressively stupid like this one.

It says *DVTCHK

Ok.  So.  Is she a Divot Chick?  Does that mean she likes golf?  Because if it does mean that she likes golf, it also means that she is pretty bad at golf if she is known as Divot Chick.  Divots happen to everyone, but if that’s your nickname, you must have had some pretty huge chunks of grass flying around on a regular basis.

If she is not a golfer, that must mean she suffers from one of my biggest hypochondriacal fears, Deep Vein Thrombosis, also known as DVT.

But, that’s not really something one would advertise on one’s Volkswagen, right?  It’s almost as weird as advertising you are terrible at golf.

Unless, she is the curer of Deep Vein Thrombosis.  Maybe she has a clinic with one of those lasers and sells compression socks and produces PSAs telling people to walk around on airplanes.  But...  probably not.

I think it’s probably golf related.

And even though I think it is stupid, I like this girl better than the one who loves BNG herself.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

*** This is an example of the star symbol, this plate is still stupid, but since I am fairly certain it’s a name, there’s not much I can say about it.  So… here ya go.  Now I just need to find a handprint for you all.

[heart]BNGMME

I drove up to Disneyland on Thursday after work.   I saw so many good (bad) plates, but due to such silly concerns such as my life, I could only get a couple good photos.  One of these photos is this atrocity.

I apologize for the quality, but it could not be helped if I wish to keep all my limbs.

Let me help you out, it says [heart]BNGMME

Heart = Love

Love Bein’ Me.

Yeah, I’d love being you.  I too wish that I could drive an old Taurus. 

This makes me mad on so many levels.

First and foremost, nobody cares.

No one on the road cares about you and whether or not you love being you.  You, in the late 90s Ford Taurus who does not wish they could be anyone else, because being right where you are now is just fine.  There is nothing to strive for, nothing to grow from, you are you and you love you and that is the end of it.

Then we have the matter of the letters that build this narcissistic assertion.  Why is there an extra M? You want to know why?  I’ll tell you why.

Because California is a big state and there is another douchebag out there with the first, second, and probably 5^th combination of letters she could come up with to get her message out there.  There has got to be a [heart]BEINME, a [heart]BNG ME, etc, etc, all just rolling around out there, manned by people so wrapped up in themselves that they want you to know about it.

I'm glad you love being you, because I can't stand you.

KNOCK IT OFF, your car makes you look stupid.

BONUS: ** Unfortunately no photo due to my desire to remain alive. **

Immediately after I took this photo I noticed a sperm colored Cadillac Escalade THREE car lengths up with a strangely similar message.  This one took a little longer to decipher.  At first I thought it was a name, but I figured out that –

[heart]BNSLLY

-- Was in fact, “Love Bein’ Silly”

NO!  STOP!  Just stop.

Please.

You knock it off too, your car makes you look stupid. 

DNT HIT

Oh for crapssake.

Yeah.  Don’t hit, ok guys?

How clever.  What an orginal concept.

There are two ways to interpret this license plate.  Neither is flattering.

First option, this Nissan Altima is the prized possession of Miss Cleversocks Indiana and she really would like you to not bash into her with your car.  You know, cause that’s what we all do while we are on the road.  I know for me personally, I find myself ramming people almost constantly, but I am only stopped by instructional vanity plates.  Well, those and those “Baby on Board” placards, because once I know that you are transporting an infant I will transfer my laser focus of destructive rage onto someone else, a car without a baby, or a Nissan without very clear notes on what not to do to it perhaps, because I just cannot be stopped.  It is a compulsion.  I must hit something.

I cannot be trusted without clear guidelines.  Very clear, and very specific guidelines.

I’d say the above description is probably not what the driver had intended.   It would be more interesting if she had.

I think she is taking the extremely controversial stance and trying to tell us not to hit.  As in, don’t assault each other.

It’s a good thing I saw this license plate too, because just as I was balling up my fist to start beating the crap out of my coworker, I got a text message with this photo (thank you Nikki for sharing, without your help I would have had to have yet another uncomfortable conversation with HR).  Phew.  Close call.

Listen.  I don’t have anything against you being against hitting.  I just think it’s stupid.  Who really is not against hitting?  Is any one of us out there with picket signs claiming that violence really is the answer?

Ok, maybe there are some people who believe in the occasional act of violence, but they still aren’t starting a movement to whack people in the face whenever the mood strikes them.  

Still, I suppose if they were, this lady is telling them what’s up.  Although, I am 100% certain that the Pro-Hitting Party of America (PHPA) will not have their opinions swayed by this stupid license plate.  It's like the "End Elder Abuse" bumper stickers, how many people were on their way to abuse the elderly, got stuck in traffic, and changed their mind because they saw a bumper sticker.  Zero.  You are either the type of person who assaults people (young or old), or you aren't, and I don't see how your car decorations are going to make a difference.

So, the moral of the story is don’t hit.  Don’t hit, but also, don’t be stupid.

Knock it off, your car makes  you look stupid.