www.umtr2me.org

One good thing that weird obsessive life ruiners brought to my attention is that one of the plates that I made fun of is for an organization that works with people who battle depression and mental illness.

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am constantly spouting off about how mental illness needs to be a focus in our society, so this truly is a cause that I believe in.

If you know anyone who is struggling, or if you are struggling yourself, this website is a great resource.  Please check it out if you have a chance.  While I certainly don’t think the people with the VHS DVD or FLOPPER plates have deeper messages, every once in awhile a plate has something interesting to say, so support Jimm and his cause, and support other causes like it.  Help bring mental illness to the forefront of society's conversation.

Thanks Jimm, I officially retract my declaration that your car makes you look stupid.

www.umtr2me.org

This idiot (meaning me) used to have a comment option

I haven’t been able to post for awhile because I have been working 70 hour work weeks, but I recently received a barrage of hateful comments, including one that stated that a post was funny because I was the one getting raped in the back of a van.

That same person decided to take the time to google people and send them the posts, knowing full well it would upset them.  That is his right.  I am not angry about it, he has the right to an opinion about my opinions. 

My opinion is that I hate personalized license plates and that I will laugh at them.  My opinion is that the 100 people or so who read my blog will understand that it is all in good fun.

I try, sometimes unsuccessfully to not make things personal, but of course, if it was your car, I completely understand hurt feelings and being upset  by my posts.  For that, I am sorry.

Specifically to Jimm, I apologize if I hurt your feelings or your organization.  I certainly did not mean to, nor did I know that it WAS an organization.  If you like I will happily take down the post.  This is true to ANY people who find their car on my page and have their feelings hurt. 

So, to people like Anatoli, if you want to spend all of your time drawing people’s attention to something that you know will hurt their feelings to teach me a lesson, go ahead.  I personally think that it’s a waste of your time and why in the world would you try to ruin someone else’s day for something that I do to entertain myself and my friends. 

We all have stupid things about us, Anatoli is a troll.  That’s pretty stupid.  I point out license plates and occasionally upset people, that’s pretty stupid as well.  The blog is meant to be playful, “stupid” is my opinion.  You don’t have to appreciate my opinion, as I obviously don’t appreciate the owners’ of these cars opinion.  That’s the beauty of opinions.

This is the internet, and luckily that means, I can avoid trolls by simply disabling comments.

Knock it off, your comments make you look stupid.

PWRFL

The stupid is powerful with this one.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

[hand]MECOFE

NO!

You are a douche.

Seriously.  A DOUCHE!

You found a way to put a stupid handprint on your stupid license plate.  You obviously think this is clever.  It is not clever.

1) Coffee is spelled wrong

2) no one, and I mean NO ONE driving along the road is going to heed your request and if they did, I imagine you would be very upset.

Don’t ask for things you don’t want.

I hope someone throws their coffee all over your car.  Just following directions, brah.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

What kind of car did you say that was?

Narcissism is not only for the Californians, it spreads all across this great country of ours, I think California just has more of it.  California, and Southern California especially, attracts douchebags and has a culture of narcissism, I am sorry, it’s just a fact.  How many failed actor/musicians working jobs they deem “beneath them” because they deserve to be a star and are waiting for their big break are in Mississippi?  Yeah.  None.

That’s just the way it is Cali.  The same way that Portland attracts weirdoes, and Alaska attracts fishermen, and Florida attracts criminals.  Every place has its thing.  California attracts people who think they are better than wherever they came from.

Not EVERY Californian is a narcissistic a-hole.  Of course not.  But I think we can determine by sheer vanity plate abundance alone that it is a higher percentage than any other location.

All that said, I’ve gotten some pretty sweet plates sent to me from all my friends in Washington, and a few great ones from friends in Texas and Indiana as well.  While the abundance is not there, what they make up for in quantity is quality.  Or…maybe not.  I don’t know.  Either way, keep them coming guys!

This post is dedicated to all those assholes out there who want us to know exactly what kind of car they are driving, and/or to whom it belongs.

MOZRIDE

He’s the illest.

FAMUSXD

This XD is famous.  Ask anyone.

MY JUKE

This Juke is his.

XREDRVR

This is a red Rover.  Red Rover, Red Rover send stupid right over.

R[heart]OLEAF

This Leaf is theirs.  It’s their Love O’ LEAF.  Dumb.

CKS A7

Hey, CK, is that your A7?

SFOURME

It’s a S4.  It’s for him.

This is just a few… hey everyone, guess what, I can read.  And anyone who can read your plate, can also read what kind of car it is attached to.  Not only that, but we assume it belongs to you as well.

Idiots.

Knock it off, your cars make you look stupid.

VHS DVD

Hey guys!  You need any DVDs?  What about VHS tapes?  Come into my sweet van and take your pick!

Let’s buy some out of date media from the cool guy in this van with the blacked out windows, one of which has been replaced with duct tape because it has clearly been kicked out from a previous rape gone bad.

Seems legit.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid…

…and sketchy as hell.

U is Stupid

Misspellings on license plates are a given, I mean, there's no way you can fit a 3-5 word phrase in 7 letters without a misspelling or 5.  That said, if you are choosing to put a single word on your car, SPELL THE DAMN THING CORRECTLY!

I mean, seriously.

How stupid does this TUMATO look?

Or how about this guy from TEXUS (sent to me by our Coachella roommates, thanks Cassy and Khaled!)? I realize it is difficult to read, but it definitely says TEXUS

It's worse, in my opinion to misspell a word, than to abbreviate one.  Ok, so you think you are clever little red Honda, well, you aren't.  Someone else, equally not as clever beat you to the punch and so instead of admitting defeat and coming up with something else, you decided to alternate the spelling.  Just as tomatoes are often argued over as to whether or not they are fruits or vegetables, you are being argued about in cars around this fine city as well.  But what we are debating is whether or not you are stupid because you purposefully misspelled tomato to be cute, or if you are just dumb enough to think that's how it's spelled.

Either way, your car makes you look stupid.

And as for Mr. Texus, well, he's equally stupid, but he's stupid in the way that Seahawks license plates are stupid, meaning, I hate them, but I admire the pride.

No one is proud to be a tomato.  Cause that's not a thing.

Knock it off guys, your cars make you look stupid.



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OMYSOUL

IT'S NOT EVEN A SOUL!

It is a Kia, but it's not a Soul.

Maybe it's a saying that you say all the time, but seriously?  You cannot put this on a make of car that has a model called the Soul.

You just can't.

It's almost as bad as those confusing hamster commercials.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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AMERPWR

I am sure this means something that I don't understand.

I am sure there's some meaning behind it that is distinctly unracist.

But, this car lives or works near my condo downtown and I've seen it over a dozen times, and each time I get a weird feeling in my stomach.

Maybe because I complete the first word to be America.  America Power.

Now, I have nothing against national pride, I am pretty proud to be an American myself, and feel fortunate and blessed that we live in a country where idiots are allowed to express their stupidity all over their cars, and that I am able to judge them from atop my peak on Mount Pious.

All that said, there is something dark feeling about the phrase America Power!

It makes me think of skinheads and Eddie Furlong in American History X.

Of course I realize it is probably referring to the fact that Corvette is an American car, hence he is driving around in "America Power", but that was the third thing I thought of when I saw this plate.

First, I thought it was the dark, weirdly racist feeling phrase "America Power!"

Next, I figured that AMER had to be something I didn't know about, and aside from discovering it is a name in some language, I found nothing that revealed anything interesting, so I went back to the theory that this Corvette was clearly driven by neo-Nazi.

Finally, I associated the car with the plate and arrived at the American car theory.

This took a long time.  This took me seeing the car half a dozen times at least before deciding that the driver probably is not dumb enough to advertise xenophobia, but just dumb enough to not realize his plate makes people think he has it.

Either that, or his name is Amer.  Whatever.

Knock it off Amer, your car makes you look stupid.


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DIGNGOLD

So you pick your nose.  That's awesome. 

My boyfriend and I spotted this treasure on our way back from Las Vegas in May.  We couldn't get a good photo for the longest time because the desert sun glare was against us, but we ran back into him 100 miles later and snapped this photo.

There are only three options for this plate:

1) He is a gold digger, literally.

2) He is a gold digger, Kanye West style.

3) He is a gold digger (boogers = gold).

Judging based on his truck #2 is out of the question, and, if he were an actual gold digger, he is not very good at it.  That leaves number 3.

This guy picks his nose.  A lot.

It's the first thing I thought of anyway.

I totally pick my nose, sometimes you have to, but I don't advertise it (even though I just did).  In my imagination anyone who reads the plate will then immediately try to peer into his cab to see if he was picking his nose.

We sure did.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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CNJ4EVR

I hate C.

I hate J.

I hope they've broken up.

NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP!

Seriously.  No one.

At the very least no one on the road.  MAYBE your children do, god forbid, but even they are probably embarrassed by this.

This is what you carve into a tree in the 1920s, not what you drive around town with on a daily basis.

I'm so glad somebody loves you, I'm glad you are so confident in your relationship that you have to make sure everyone knows about it.  It's not sweet.  I'm sorry, it's not.  Sweet is a handwritten note on the windshield saying the same thing.  What this is, is narcissistic and controlling.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.




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B S

How is this allowed?!

Some very "clever" man got away with this because his name is Buford Smithson or something.

I can only assume that his name is Buford since he's driving around in Jag. 

A bullshit Jag, but a Jag all the same.

WAY RUIN A BEAUTIFUL CAR BUFORD!

This is almost as bad as the lady who drives around my hometown in a Jaguar with GIANT vinyl stickers that say JAGUAR across the windshield and a stuffed Jaguar in the back window, completely defeating the purpose of driving a Jaguar.

Jaguars are classy.

These things are not classy.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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ALLGOOD

Nope.  All bad.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.




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UMTR2ME

If this was in any way true, you would not have been actively cutting me off for the second time.

You also would not have that license plate.

I also would not kind of hate you a little.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.



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[heart]NMIDLF

This one took some work.

This was one of the ones found on Kourtney and my journey back from Coachella in April.  We were two tired girls who saw the heart and thought, (what one always must think when they see the heart), "this means something." Without having yet deciphered the code, Kourtney snapped a photo.

We spent several minutes, eyebrows furrowed.

"What's a dlf?  Loving my dlf?"
"NM like New Mexico?"
"Loving middle f?"

Finally Kourtney shouted, "Lovin' Mid Life!"

As I pulled ahead of the car to confirm the age of the driver, I couldn't help but think, what kind of a midlife crisis haver buys an Infiniti sedan?  Aren't midlife crises reserved for convertible sports cars?  And what kind of a person wants to advertise their age on their car?!  I'm 31 and I nearly burst into tears every time someone asks me how old I am, this license plate is going to make people ask you how old you are.

Then, judging based solely on the appearance of the driver, they will think to themselves, "62 is not midlife.  You'll be dead long before 114."

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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People Named Kat Must Be Stopped

Not photo'd below is the purple Saturn with the SAT4CAT plate, that I have seen 3 times now, yet could not safely snap a photo.

Spotted in downtown San Diego, I THINK it says "Lucky Cat 5"

KIT CAT - Sent by Bill B.

KATRAT - Sent by Eric T.

MISKITY - Sent by Teasha G.

I've had enough you, Kat.  Enough.

Knock it off, your cars make you look stupid.



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PS IMDON

Is he Don?  Or is he done?

I don't know why, perhaps it is because I am so used to seeing all the douchey misspellings, but I first interpreted this one as him being done.  As in, maybe this was his retirement vehicle.

On second thought, I don't think so.  I think his name is Don.

This falls  under the "WHO CARES?!" category.  Who cares?  All I know is that Don over here took beautiful classic Porsche and made it stupid.

PS - Sorry Don, I'm done.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.


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INDACLB

What in the hell is this Mini Cooper doing?

Going to Da Club?

Unless 50 Cent is driving this car (and I am 100% sure he does NOT drive a Mini Cooper) this is just unacceptable.

In fact, it would be unacceptable even if Fiddy was driving this car.  In Da Club came out 12 years ago.

No.

No, no, no, no, NO!

Just stop.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid!

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#TheDoose

In honor Memorial Day I would like to celebrate by sharing a stupid car done right.

Yes, it’s “stupid”, but it is also clever, funny, fun, and AWESOME.

Please meet The Doose.

The most American car I have seen.

The Doose is, for lack of a better term, a "community car".  A couple of friends of mine went together and purchased this road warrior and started making alterations.  The Doose is spectacular.  It is a wood panel station wagon with the top cut off.  Yes, just cut right off.  With a Sawzall. 

Sawzalls literally saw all.   

The Doose is good for any occassion, weather not a factor

If you are on Instagram, you can look up the hashtag #thedoose and you will be able to find several videos of The Doose in action. 

The Doose is brilliant.  

The Doose is an example of a vanity plate done well.  It’s a weird, bizarre car, it REQUIRES a weird plate.  If you haven’t noticed yet, the plate says JUMPIN, which is supposed to mean Jump In (as opposed to Jumpin’), since the logistics of The Doose would allow such an activity to take place.  You could absolutely chase after this car and leap in.  

I know them.  If you are cool in any way (which, let's face it, if you're reading this blog, you must be), they would be ok with it.

So you happen to be in the Indianapolis area and see this one car parade rolling down the road, give them a smile.  Tell them you saw them here and they will probably give you a hug.  Tell them Cheyenna sent you.

The magnitude and majestic beauty of this land yacht gone right deserves all the accolades in the world.  Good on you boys!

Congratulation, your car does NOT make you look stupid.

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PINKSTA

I am a touch OCD, and very visual.  I can design an award winning PowerPoint presentation, decorate a room like nobody's business, and judge people's cars.

I cannot, ever, drive a car that clashes with my license plate.

I know that seems strange, but I just could never do it.

Utah for example has a license plate that is blue and orange, but the worst offender is Idaho.

Idaho is a dark bloody red sky with blue mountains.  It's the worst.  Luckily, most vehicles are a color where the plate doesn't matter.  White, black, blue, green, but this... this is horrific.

Not only, is this car painted aggressively pink, but the clashing vanity plate is attacking my corneas.

If your car is so important to you that not only would you have a custom plate made, but you would have it custom painted, you should consider the license plate as part of the car.

Perhaps go for a more subtle color.

Perhaps not be stupid.

This is clearly asking a lot.

Let's forget about the color of the license plate for a moment.  Even if I find that the most offensive, I know I am in the minority.  Let's just focus on the overall stupidness of this car.

1) it is the color of Pepto Bismol, which is fitting because it is making me sick.
2) it has naked ladies as the license plate frame
3) PINKSTA

PINKSTA?  What does that mean?  Does that mean Pink Gangta?  Pinksta is not defined by Urban Dictionary.  When I google Pinksta just a bunch of nonsense comes up.

Is this just the name of the car? Am I to assume this is someone's nickname that they then transformed their car into?  Or is it the other way around?  Did they make this douchemobile and then acquire the nickname?

When I was in college I knew a basketball player who everyone called The Wedge.  I found out later it was actually spelled WEJ, because it was based on the license plate of his orange lowrider truck.  Not because he had a vanity plate, that just happened to be the 3 letters assigned to him and someone started calling him and his truck The WEJ.

This is clearly not that since no random alphanumeric system would be able to happen to throw PINKSTA together no matter how many times you pressed retry.

Whichever way you slice it, this is a stupid car.

Putting this much effort, time, and money into customizing an Idahoan Celica is overall just a bad idea.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.