ILUVTA2

As you can see this is a Washington plate, so it does not have the option of utilizing the dreaded California [heart] symbol.

Quick tangent.  How do you imagine the authorities call in the plate number when there are these ridiculous symbols?

                Police Officer:  “ I got plate number Charlie Echo Heart Bravo Echo”

                Dispatch: “Is that Heart H, or Heart for Heart.”

                Police Office: “Heart for Heart”

What is H?  What about the stars and the handprints, and whatever else there is I haven’t seen yet!?

I’m sure the CHP looooooves this.

ANYWAY, that’s not a problem in Washington, because (at least for now) they are reasonable people.

Back to the issue at hand.

This lady loves tattoos.

I think.

Good for her?  I understand that some people really love things.  Tattoos are one of those things, is she a tattoo artist?  If so, I am almost ok with this one.  Almost.  But not really. 

Because maybe she doesn’t love tattoos.  Maybe she loves T&A…too.  I mean, who doesn’t love a little T&A?

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

RAIIDRR

The NFL schedule came out this week; my beloved Seahawks play this idiot’s team on November 2^nd.  I look forward to the Legion of Boom driving right over them.

Not literally.  After all, I am not a Raiders fan.

Or, as it is creatively (?) spelled here.  The Raiidrrs.

So many things to discuss.  Number 1, The “Raider Nation” is notoriously filled with the stupidest of all football fans, so to find a misspelled RAIIDRR is not shocking.

Play devil’s advocate all you want, I don’t really care to hear your nonsense about how I am making a generalization and “not ALL Raiders Fans are stupid and aggressive and violent”.  Ok, fine, but several years ago two people were shot at a game.  

Shot.  With a gun. 

There are stories about stabbings all the time, and last year a Cowboys fan was beaten until he was unconscious at a Raiders game. 

Let that sink in will you.  They beat a man almost to death and LEFT HIM ON THE SIDEWALK!

Violent and stupid.

Not to mention that Al Davis, the leader of the Nation was batshit crazy.

Yes.  All fan bases have a bit of stupidity in them, only a few have a reputation for trying to kill you.  On a Bleacher Report list of the top 10 meanest fans, the Seahawks 12^th Man came in 10^th because they are “loud” and make CenturyLink “hard to play in”.  The Raiders were #2 for shooting and stabbing and beating people.

Number 1 was the Philadelphia Eagles because once, in 1968 they booed Santa Claus (who as all reports indicate was drunk and a terrible Santa).  I think, perhaps, Bleacher Report needs to reexamine their ‘worst fan’ criteria.  Perhaps.

For all of the reasons stated above, you should not advertise your allegiance to the Raider Nation.  Wear a jersey, go to a game, even put that hideous sticker (you can hardly see it in the photo but it is there) on your window, but do not commit your Corolla to a life of misspelled mockery. 

These are other plate options that I am 100% sure were tried before our fan got his wish (at the very least these all, plus others surely exist):

                RAIDERS

                RAIDER

                RAIDERR

                RAIDDRR

                RAIDDRS

                RAYDERS

                RADRRRS

               

I have to stop now because I am getting dumber and angrier every second that I participate in this plate lottery.

Would I feel the same way if this person was a SEAHAWK fan?  Maybe not as strongly, but I am fairly certain I would.  I guess it’s up to you Washington to find me a Seahawk plate and see if I can summon vitriol for it.  I assume I will.  As long as it’s stupid.

But for now…

Dear Raiders Fan,

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

HI [handprint] MAW

First things first, I must apologize dear readers.  From the beginning I had promised that I would be posting 3 times a week (MWF) and I have failed you this week.  The last two weekends have been exhausting, first Disneyland and then Coachella and my weak frail body and brain have just now become functioning again.

I promise I will make it up to you.

All that aside, with my trusty co-pilot Kourtney in tow, we managed to get some doozies on our journey.  

Hopefully they will make up for it.

So without further ado, I would like to introduce….

….all the way from California…

…the one, the stupid…

THE HANDPRINT SYMBOL

After shocking Kourtney with my non-exaggeration of the overabundance of these plates and after a half dozen or so photos being taken over the course of 20 minutes, I suddenly shrieked, “THERE’S A HANDPRINT BEHIND ME!!  THERE’S A HANDPRINT BEHIND ME!!” To which Kourtney promptly responded by unbuckling her seatbelt and flipping backwards to take a photo.

Kourtney clearly was made for this task.

The woman in the Ford SUV was not thrilled to be having her picture taken.  She was giving us the “what the hell?” arm movements, to which I responded with my traditional “Me what the hell!?  YOU what the hell?!” and gave her the “move back” motion, since (as you can see from the above photo), she was WAAAAAAY to close to me to be driving on the freeway.  Even in traffic.

It didn't work,  but we did capture it.

Now to the important bit.  Who is MAW?

A maw is a slang term for mother.  So, essentially ‘Hi Mom’? 

THAT IS SO DUMB!

First of all, it appears as though the mother is the one driving the car. It would be even more ridiculous to think that she was using her license plate to give a shout out to her own mother.

Either way, it is just confusing, but HEY, you got a clever handprint on your license plate so we will all look at you.  Good on you, Maw.

That’s enough.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

RMAHGRD

I know you can’t really see this, but this is a real thing.

This SUV says RMAHGRD, which can only be based on yet another internet meme (cue faceplam) the ERMAHGERD Girl.

Unless the driver of this vehicle IS the Ermahgerd Girl, there is no excuse for this.

Knock it off, your car makes you look so, so stupid.

*DVTCHK

On my Disneyland Drive, I saw so many cars I couldn’t quite get photos of.

One of those was the same model as the XRUNNER we saw earlier with LV2KYAK on it.
What the hell is up with these sports car drivers and their express need to tell us all about how they really do love sports?

I also saw one mentioned in a previous post, that I couldn’t get, a sperm colored Cadillac Escalade with [heart]BNSLLY (of “Love Bein’ Silly) on it. Gag.

And this…

I know it is a bad photo, sorry, but it is your first introduction to the California STAR symbol.  At the bottom of this post I will include a picture of what the star looks like on another plate, one that is only minorly stupid, not aggressively stupid like this one.

It says *DVTCHK

Ok.  So.  Is she a Divot Chick?  Does that mean she likes golf?  Because if it does mean that she likes golf, it also means that she is pretty bad at golf if she is known as Divot Chick.  Divots happen to everyone, but if that’s your nickname, you must have had some pretty huge chunks of grass flying around on a regular basis.

If she is not a golfer, that must mean she suffers from one of my biggest hypochondriacal fears, Deep Vein Thrombosis, also known as DVT.

But, that’s not really something one would advertise on one’s Volkswagen, right?  It’s almost as weird as advertising you are terrible at golf.

Unless, she is the curer of Deep Vein Thrombosis.  Maybe she has a clinic with one of those lasers and sells compression socks and produces PSAs telling people to walk around on airplanes.  But...  probably not.

I think it’s probably golf related.

And even though I think it is stupid, I like this girl better than the one who loves BNG herself.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

*** This is an example of the star symbol, this plate is still stupid, but since I am fairly certain it’s a name, there’s not much I can say about it.  So… here ya go.  Now I just need to find a handprint for you all.

[heart]BNGMME

I drove up to Disneyland on Thursday after work.   I saw so many good (bad) plates, but due to such silly concerns such as my life, I could only get a couple good photos.  One of these photos is this atrocity.

I apologize for the quality, but it could not be helped if I wish to keep all my limbs.

Let me help you out, it says [heart]BNGMME

Heart = Love

Love Bein’ Me.

Yeah, I’d love being you.  I too wish that I could drive an old Taurus. 

This makes me mad on so many levels.

First and foremost, nobody cares.

No one on the road cares about you and whether or not you love being you.  You, in the late 90s Ford Taurus who does not wish they could be anyone else, because being right where you are now is just fine.  There is nothing to strive for, nothing to grow from, you are you and you love you and that is the end of it.

Then we have the matter of the letters that build this narcissistic assertion.  Why is there an extra M? You want to know why?  I’ll tell you why.

Because California is a big state and there is another douchebag out there with the first, second, and probably 5^th combination of letters she could come up with to get her message out there.  There has got to be a [heart]BEINME, a [heart]BNG ME, etc, etc, all just rolling around out there, manned by people so wrapped up in themselves that they want you to know about it.

I'm glad you love being you, because I can't stand you.

KNOCK IT OFF, your car makes you look stupid.

BONUS: ** Unfortunately no photo due to my desire to remain alive. **

Immediately after I took this photo I noticed a sperm colored Cadillac Escalade THREE car lengths up with a strangely similar message.  This one took a little longer to decipher.  At first I thought it was a name, but I figured out that –

[heart]BNSLLY

-- Was in fact, “Love Bein’ Silly”

NO!  STOP!  Just stop.

Please.

You knock it off too, your car makes you look stupid. 

DNT HIT

Oh for crapssake.

Yeah.  Don’t hit, ok guys?

How clever.  What an orginal concept.

There are two ways to interpret this license plate.  Neither is flattering.

First option, this Nissan Altima is the prized possession of Miss Cleversocks Indiana and she really would like you to not bash into her with your car.  You know, cause that’s what we all do while we are on the road.  I know for me personally, I find myself ramming people almost constantly, but I am only stopped by instructional vanity plates.  Well, those and those “Baby on Board” placards, because once I know that you are transporting an infant I will transfer my laser focus of destructive rage onto someone else, a car without a baby, or a Nissan without very clear notes on what not to do to it perhaps, because I just cannot be stopped.  It is a compulsion.  I must hit something.

I cannot be trusted without clear guidelines.  Very clear, and very specific guidelines.

I’d say the above description is probably not what the driver had intended.   It would be more interesting if she had.

I think she is taking the extremely controversial stance and trying to tell us not to hit.  As in, don’t assault each other.

It’s a good thing I saw this license plate too, because just as I was balling up my fist to start beating the crap out of my coworker, I got a text message with this photo (thank you Nikki for sharing, without your help I would have had to have yet another uncomfortable conversation with HR).  Phew.  Close call.

Listen.  I don’t have anything against you being against hitting.  I just think it’s stupid.  Who really is not against hitting?  Is any one of us out there with picket signs claiming that violence really is the answer?

Ok, maybe there are some people who believe in the occasional act of violence, but they still aren’t starting a movement to whack people in the face whenever the mood strikes them.  

Still, I suppose if they were, this lady is telling them what’s up.  Although, I am 100% certain that the Pro-Hitting Party of America (PHPA) will not have their opinions swayed by this stupid license plate.  It's like the "End Elder Abuse" bumper stickers, how many people were on their way to abuse the elderly, got stuck in traffic, and changed their mind because they saw a bumper sticker.  Zero.  You are either the type of person who assaults people (young or old), or you aren't, and I don't see how your car decorations are going to make a difference.

So, the moral of the story is don’t hit.  Don’t hit, but also, don’t be stupid.

Knock it off, your car makes  you look stupid.  

FLOPPER

Well, all I can think of here is a large flopping phallus.

Please.  Tell me if you can think of anything different, because that’s all I’ve got.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid… and disgusting.

XRUNNER

Maybe it’s where I come from.  Maybe it says something about me as a person, but when a mid-range sports car passes me with XRUNNER on the plate the first thing that pops into my mind is that he is a drug dealer.

I CAN’T HELP IT!

It’s only natural.  He’s an X Runner.  He runs ecstasy and that’s the end of it.

I’ve never even taken ecstasy and that is what I think of.

Sure, I just recently watched the very special Dawson’s Creek episode where Andie takes ecstasy and passes out in the bouncy house and everyone blames Jen because she is the bad girl, even though Andie took it without her knowing, so MAYBE “X” was on my mind.  But it would probably be on your mind too.  I’d say at least 50% of people on the road would assume the same thing.

Including the police.  I wonder how many times the cops have run his plates looking for warrants.  I guarantee more than mine.

I realized I was mistaken when I drove up to get a look at this alleged drug kingpin and found him to be an elder statesman with grey hair and a lot of pomade.  Then I thought about it… ok, so he must be an EX runner.  He formerly ran.

Why formerly?  And why advertise?  No one wants to advertise being too old to run.... “Aha!” I thought, “Maybe he is a record holder.”

It wasn’t until I got home and my boyfriend told me he was probably a cross country runner.

Still, why do I need to know that?  Why does anyone need to know that?  No matter what it is supposed to mean, license plate fail!

Yet another day being bothered by an old man long distance drug runner.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.

FACEPLM

Irony. 

This car screams irony.

Urban Dictionary has many stellar definitions for “Facepalm”.  I found these two to be the most appropriate in this situation.

1)      When someone is so stupid that it makes you speechless, and the only thing you can do is shake your head or facepalm.

2)      The speechless and typically disapproving response to embarrassing stupidity or ignorance in way of hiding your face in your palm in awkward shame for the other person.

I’d say the second definition nails it right on the head.  I am embarrassed for the driver of this Honda.

This plate is embarrassing.  In a year, when “facepalm” is no longer a ridiculous internet saying, this person will be trying their hardest clinging to the last bastion of hope, throwing it into any semi-appropriate sentence they can.  They will make new memes to try to keep the trend rolling, but just like W00t it too will die out, and only the crazed lunatics that attach these trite sayings permanently (well, for at least several years) to their vehicles will remain.

Where is the W00T plate guy?  Will someone please tell him I need a photo of his car?

Also, look at the frame.  No.  This Frame Adds 15 HP.  Um… ok.  I’m sure it totally does.  Excellent mod, bro. *facepalm*

And a sriracha sticker?  Sweet Lord.

Knock it off, your car makes you look stupid.